What our eyes see on the outside isn’t always the full picture.
Others lives may appear beautiful and appealing to you but you never know how
much fighting it took them to get there or even their current battle. You never
know the battles won, and maybe even a few lost. The fighting it took, the
determination, and the story that is produced from the battle is part of our
testimony. So
what’s my story? There have definitely been struggles, battles, full on World
Wars but there have also been sweet victories….some victories that nearly took
the life out of me. I’m still a work in progress, but I do have a story to tell.
Don’t we all?
We are in such a sweet season of life
right now, enjoying the simple things, spending time with each other…simply,
enjoying life. Don’t think for a minute that’s been the norm from the get go.
We’ve walked through the fire, the valley, the rough spot, hell on earth,
whatever you want to call it. We’ve plowed through hard…dreaming of the days
life would be easier. We’ve sat in counseling sessions dreaming of the days our
marriage would thrive and not be in crisis mode. We dreamed of a heart filled
with peace….and a heart of joy just seemed like an unattainable gift that we
would never reach. As a matter of fact, I remember being pregnant with our 2nd
son. We were in a meeting at church and a woman gave me a prophetic word. She
said, “There is a season of joy coming. You’ve not had that. You don’t even
remember what that feels like. Life has been hard. The joy will return. There
is a season of joy coming.” I stared in hopes that she was right, but deep down
I knew it was too good to be true. There is no.way.in.the.world. she could be
talking to me. The last 12 years prior to this had sucked been extremely
hard with no end in sight. I was sitting there with a rather large 8 month
belly, but the thing that was weighing me down more was the elephant on my
chest. Would it ever move? With circumstances of life, there seemed to be a new
labels taped over my heart and soul often: fear, insecurity, shame, not worthy, unloved,
guilt, rejection, inadequate, father wounds….oh the father wounds. Did I
mention insecurity? Would they ever be ripped off and gone for good or was I stuck with
them? Will life ever be “normal?” What the heck is normal? Whatever it was, it
had to be better than our current state. I was out of steam. Out of hope. Out
of dreams. Out of desire to work at anything. I felt defeated and alone. Oh
Jesus. I need you. This is a time in my life I refer to as hell on earth
“The Crash”. For the next few posts, my heart is to take you down a path of
where a lot of this started…where the hurt began and the healing work God has
done in my heart since. My prayer is
that you would have hope that your heart can be fully restored, your father
wounds can be healed, and that you would always know that even in the darkest
night of your soul, there is hope and a love far beyond what your current circumstances
may be whispering.
